Saturday, 27 December 2008, 2:01 am
I am gay. It has taken me a while to be able to say this, but it is something important for me to share with you now. I have been out to myself for a few years and, one by one, have shared this with my family. I have recently decided to let my friends know. I’ve realize that by telling you this, there is a chance I may lose you as a friend; however, by not telling you and not being able to share the central events of my life, our friendship would certainly diminish over time.
It has been more and more of a burden to keep this from you in recent months. You can think of it as an invisible wall between us that restricts what I might share with you like the excitement of dating somebody new or the pain of breaking up. I hope this letter will help tear down that invisible wall.
You might have suspected for some time that I am gay since I stopped talking about dating women. On the other hand, my being gay may have come as a complete surprise. Hopefully, in some time, our relationship will be closer than it ever has.
When you call and ask me what is going on in my life I might say, “nothing,” or only share some of what I am doing, but that is not the full story. I am not trying to deceive you, but have felt restrained because I could not tell you the whole truth. This deception has been eating at me for some time and I’m tired of it. So this was the choice I had to make: either keep lying and allow us to grow even farther apart, or tell the truth and hopefully have a better relationship and friendship in the long run.
Although you may not comprehend what it is like to be gay, I hope that you will still love and respect me. Know that I am the same person now as I was before you read this letter; you just know one more thing about me. I am still the same “Farook” with the same personality, interests and hobbies. Nobody chooses to be gay and I accept myself and am happy with who I am. At this point I am completely out and open about this part of my life and I am comfortable with you being open about it as well. When you are ready, please write or call. I look forward to discussing this with you.
I wish to touch on another subject that is directly related with the main purpose of this letter. When I was in high school I joined and became heavily involved in the LDS Church. Those experiences were great and important for me to have. My years of high school were enjoyed with the great company of friends, teachers and mentors as I learned more about religion and spirituality. My first few years of college were at Brigham Young University, which the LDS Church owns and operates. Those years were great and I was able to start great friendships that I hope will last a lifetime.
My view of my experience with the Church can be related to one’s experience with high school. It was an important experience for me and I really enjoyed it; however, I don’t need to spend the rest of my life in high school. I have moved on to the next phase of my life bringing with me those valuable and special experiences that have impacted who I am. I think the Church is a fascinating institution that has a great capacity to help people and benefit the world. While the Church has many great people who do much good, they also have some people who do things that are frustrating and angering. I think many of the doctrines and philosophies of the Church are good; however, at this time, I have no desire to comply or affiliate with any religious system or institution.
Like many people, I still have desires to graduate from college, start my career, establish a home with a lifelong partner and enjoy the benefits of life with someone that I love. I have no desire to have children and don’t expect that to change. I have dated different guys and enjoyed the joys of a relationship. I currently live with my partner Charlie. We have lived together since May of 2008 and started dating the previous fall. We have a wonderful home in downtown Salt Lake and have a fun Yellow Lab named Jake. Charlie received his degree in accounting and currently works for a communications company here in Salt Lake. He is very supportive of my pursuit of an engineering degree from the University of Utah.
I have so much gratitude for the many things that have happened in my life – countless friends who have been very supportive and understanding and also my family for their love and support.
If I could ask one thing of you, it would be to treat all people with respect. Keep an open heart and an open mind when considering the lives of those who think or believe differently than you. I hope that you’ll continue to consider me your friend. Life is an adventure and I hope to make the journey with you.
With much love,
Farook Khan
hi farook! i know we haven’t spoken in something like ten years (since middle school???) but we are friends on facebook and i saw that you had updated your blog so i thought i’d stop by. i wanted to leave a comment to express how brave i think you are for coming out on such a public space and i think it’s so great that you have the confidence and strength of character to do that. i am so happy that you are now able to live your life completely honestly and i wish you all the best now and in your future! i hope you and charlie have many happy years together! btw, your photos are beautiful works of art! you have a great talent!
Farook! I love you no matter what. I hope you always pursue those things in life that enhance you as a person and make you happier. Can we know more about Charlie?
Hey man what’s up? I heard about your website so I figured I would check it out. Send me a message so we can catch up.
Farook! I hope you still remember me from freshman year… you’d better. 😉 I know I added an extra last name on, but hey, that happens sometimes, lol. So… I’m in Idaho now. (Why the hell would I do that to myself? I know, I know… My husband’s family is here, we wanted to be close to one of our families, and I don’t so much get along with mine…) So I was on Facebook tonight when my neighbor popped me up in chat to ask how I knew you, apparently you’re a mutual friend between us. Do you remember the Rivers from your ‘two year adventure’? We bought the house across the street from them last year. 🙂
Anywho…
As for your very well written, and very thoughtful blog post (which I’m sorry I didn’t find earlier, and that we’ve been out of touch for so long), I’ll always adore you, and didn’t have a second thought when I read it. You can turn purple with orange spots and still be the cute Farook I got to spend most of my freshman year with. I hope all is well with you, and I hope to hear from you!
Always,
Rachel Schryver Nielsen
Hey Farook –
Great reading your piece about coming out and living your life in truth. I’m really happy to hear that you are doing well and enjoying your life.
I hope that you found your friends and family receptive to your decision to come out, and hope to be able to support you in all the ways I can.
Best of the best to you,
Jarrett.
Hey Farook,
I want you to know I am happy for you. It must have been hard hiding that in, but know that the real friends you will have will love you for who you are. I miss you at PMI and I am so glad that you are doing good! I hope you know that I don’t judge you and think you are a amazing guy! Good luck with everything and hopefully someday we will run into you again! Erika
Farook,
i have known you for a number of years and as i have said before i am greatful for that friendship. i am a little sad that you do not go to church anymore but as your friend i respect your decision. i also support you in any life style you choose. i love you always and forever and if you ever need anything please let me know.
Holly
hi!!!!!
I am very happy to hear from you I do not care about his sexual preference … the people are the way they want to live and be real and authentic way is better to pretend that something is not …. I like the way you think and wish him much happiness and prosperity in your life so much I want this either dude …. and never has my friendship forever … greetings and kisses write ok
Ericka Castro
Le aprecio mucho farook en mi puede encontrar una buena amiga…al principio me confundi mucho… estaba aturdida no sabia exactamente que estaba pasando mediante fui leyendo me di cuenta que a pesar de todo queremos a las personas tal como son y no por apariencia ….de corazon le digo que es usted un eslabon muy importante en una de mis deciciones y se lo agradesco mucho que Dios lo bendiga y nunca deje de escribirme aqui estare siempre ok…kiss para usted..cuidese mucho.
I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you to express not only because of societal pressures but also because you live in the Mormon capital of the world. haha But I commend you for being open and honest about it, not only to your family and friends but to yourself. Almost the worst mistake one can make is to not be true to themselves. It’s been great working with you, except for the time when you grilled me and a few other guys for going to Panda Express when we had a lapse in our schedules…lol. You probably don’t even remember it…lol. It’s all good, you’re a great asset to PSI. We’ll catch up later. Great photography by the way, I’m impressed.